The Pain and Heartache

After our loss I was so mad at everybody, no matter how many times I was told "It will happen when the time is right." it didn't seem to help me at all. Every pregnant lady I saw, I thought to my self "Why do you get a baby and I don't?"  Why did all these people get to be happy and glowing with a cute little baby belly that I wanted so bad?  I didn't want to feel this way, but I didn't know how to control it, I was hurting so bad in side.  It was really hard to explain how I was really feeling. Two of my sister in laws had become pregnant and had their babies throughout the whole year we were trying,  As much as I loved them and loved my little nephews I couldn't help but feel resentment towards them, that they got pregnant so fast and got to have a little baby and be so happy. I asked Cody one time "Why do they get to have babies but not me?"   We were married and doing the right things, we had a good, healthy, happy marriage, so what were we doing wrong that they were doing so right?  
After my feelings started calming down I started to think back to when I got pregnant with Hadlie at 17.  My brother and his wife had been trying to have a baby for a while and couldn't get pregnant and they didn't know why it wasn't happening. When my parents told them that I was pregnant, his wife just started to cry. When I was around her I could feel the tension and resentment she had towards me for getting pregnant so young without being married when they had done it the right way, falling in love, getting married then trying to have a baby. I never really understood why she would feel that way about me and why she would be so mad, until after trying so hard and having so many losses of our own. I couldn't believe that I had those feelings towards my sister in laws and I felt horrible for it. I finally knew and understood why she felt that way towards me for so long.